“If Only circumstances had been different… if Only things had not ended… no its not ended, I don’t think it can ever be” said Ain while stretching for the third time on her crumpled bed, she reached with one hand towards the window curtains but half way there she stopped and let her hand drop.
Light somehow seemed insulting to her mood, not because it opposed it, simply because it reminded her all too well how everything had began, so very innocently. Sitting up violently she cut the urge to scream aloud as she had done so many times before, her pain needed an outlet but noise was not it, neither had she found it in drink, crying or even over-sleeping. For once she forced the urge to slump back into her bed and remain there another day. She got up quickly before she thought better of it, violently grabbed her towel and decided to take a shower.
Hour long showers helped at times, overheated water hit her lithe and naked body, leaning against the shower door she began slowly to cry, as she put her hand against her face in an attempt to stop the tears from flowing she felt a strong thick ring against her skin, turning her face away from the water she looked at it and felt her heart contract once more. Slipping to a sitting position still with the ring before her eyes her tears stopped but so did every present thought.  
“How long have you been my friend” she said in a tiny broken voice hardly audible over the shower. “it would be easy to drop you in the drain, no I see you would not fit easily, what would you have me do know?” she dropped her hand beside her and noticed her fingers where wrinkled and her back had begun to sting a bit due to the heat. Annoyed she got up finished showering quickly and stepped out, not bothering to dry her body simply wrapping the towel around her hair so its drip would not infuriate her further. She was angry, ever so angry, but it had been a long time since she had forgotten why. No one was really to blame for what had happened, few would even consider four months time enough for everything to have passed as it had, but even though reality had been hard to take in at that time, unfortunately now it had become all too easy.
Walking into her room every corner held something to remind Ain of him, a blouse he had given her when she felt down, a piece of candy she took from his house and never finished eating because it was too sour, a receipt at the edge of her desk from the last place they ate together nearly a month ago, or the ever looming suitcases she never bothered to unpack since she returned from Japan.
“Teh… if only circumstances where different, I should be thrilled to had gotten a free trip to Honshu, honored really to simply get to know his family, yeah I’ll regret not taking advantage of the trip later on. But now is not later and now… I just need to, to…” for the first time in a long time she realized that she was actually wondering what she needed and even though to her the reaction of yearning had become somewhat repulsive she could not deny that what she hungered for was him.
Getting back into her sheets not bothering to release her hair from the towel she hugged her legs closer her eyes and began to remember again, the only thing left to do: remember and try and heed her own sound advice and spend her memories to exhaustion.